I’ve been thinking about my friend Big Rick lately. I always think about him when I go to Dothan. He’s buried there, and I’ve never been to his grave.
Rick was a classic “Chris Farley” case. He was overweight, and used humor to get some degree of social acceptance. He was a genuinely funny guy. He had artistic talent, but no drive. While Eric, Aaron, and me were trying to get out of Dothan, Rick just sort of sank into it.
He reached out to me for help a few times. One time, Rick, me and Laney Lassiter somehow ended up at Rip Hewes stadium. Rick had basically drank a bottle of Bacardi Rum by himself. I didn’t drink at the time so I was stone sober. Rick began telling me that I was his best friend, and that he kept seeing and dreaming about his friend Brandon, who was killed in a car crash. I figured he was drunk and was just talking crazy but looking back, he was serious. Another time we were going to the mall or some shit and he told me he needed to swing by his house to do something. I forget what he said. We went by there, he went in and came back out, and we were on our way. About 5 minutes later he tells me that he lied. He really needed to go in there to get some pain pills. He told me he was addicted to them.
I forget what I said, but I was uncomfortable and I played it off like it wasn’t a big deal. But I knew. I didn’t know what I could do to help, but I knew that if I didn’t do anything, he wouldn’t be able to help himself. I remember telling Eric and others that of all of us, Rick would be the first to die. He was just too self destructive.
anyway, I was right. Shortly after I moved to Erie, mom called and said that he’d died. He was strung out on who knows what, and he had a heart attack. I didn’t go to the funeral. Steve did. I wish I’d gone, even though I have nothing to say to his family. I place a lot of the blame on them.
But I reserve a little of the blame for myself. Was there something I could have done to help him? Yeah I think so. I feel guilty about it. He was alone. Everyone who could get out of Dothan did so. Who did he have to turn to? No one who could help.
I’ve been thinking about this lately. I think this explains something about my personality that I’ve often questioned. I have an overwhelming desire to NOT get involved when someone I care about is exhibiting self destructive tendencies. I think it started with Rick. I’m going to have to think some more about this.
And next time I go to Dothan, I should visit Rick. It might do me some good.
#1 by Matt on 11/28/2006 - 2:00 am
Rick was a good person who came to a bad end. I feel like shit for not going to the funeral. And I know I would’ve wanted to say something to his used hotdog salesman of a Dad. We had a pretty big crew of good people, that was a source of inspiration and I’m sure we were until a certain point. However, I’m sure he felt out of the loop, the ship was leaving Dothan and he wasn’t on it, so that was a wedge between us and him. And he got addicted to a dangerous substance, with no hope, and no plan. I remember seeing him when I was in college, randomly I was alone in Dothan on a visit trying to buy a porn mag at that gas station off of Fortner St. and Ross Clark trying not to see anyone I knew, and here comes Rick rolling in, with that brittle hair and a big smile a little thinner but still Large. I tried all the old things I did when I would see someone I cared about stuck in shittown. “Come up to Athens, I could help get you started,” or asking about graphic design or printing, which he had a knack for. But Nada. Its a shame. I feel kinda the same way, always questioning, “could I have done more” And the answer is yes, I could have. The answer will probably always be yes now that you are a wiser man, with time and experience to gauge the past. And I guess you can always do more. I don’t think I could’ve helped him then because I didn’t get where he was at. No way to relate, just spouting off advice that doesn’t click. I’ve been around the block a bit now and I’m not young and nievely judgmental to peoples plights, but I’m still not so sure I could’ve changed the outcome, but I know I could’ve sat there and listened to him.
REALLY LISTENED without inserting my self
Maybe that’s what he needed. ?????? But you can’t live someone’s life for them, and he didn’t make the right choices. That’s the harsh truth. I think the same shit about Dad. I know I could be a better person for him now, all the shit I’ve learned. But its still his life(not anymore) and you can’t take the drivers seat. You can only watch…….and point with the big foam finger.
#2 by Chris on 11/28/2006 - 8:00 pm
Well put. It was a sad situation all around.