http://www.chrisdriggers.com/archives/2004/12/20/new-toy/ Tue, 09 Aug 2011 09:13:42 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.2.1 http://www.chrisdriggers.com/archives/2004/12/20/new-toy/comment-page-1/#comment-13 tipsy fox Sat, 25 Dec 2004 06:13:05 +0000 /?p=30#comment-13 first of all, let me just tell you that my balls are bigger than your head. and i am a huge howard stern fan. so when i heard howard would be moving to sirius, i formulated a "sirius" plan to keep howard on my mind and in my ears at ALL times. my sac, when fully shaved, resembles a medium sized cantaloupe in color and texture (and really beautiful on an artistic level, but i digress). anyway, after several hours of examination, i noticed that the webby, veiny lines that cover the surface are very reminiscient of non uniform chicken wire...which could be used as a receptor for satellite radio frequencies. i don't want kids, so no biggie right? but the problem would be focusing that energy to the sac itself. i said chicken wire didn't i? aha! that's right, i went out and bought a small swath of chicken wire and molded it around my sac, being careful to dull the cut edges for maximum comfort. i stood outside in the cool air for about an hour to really toughen the sac before the installation of chicken wire. this is very important because if the sac is warm, it just makes the mold really hard to form. so anyway, once the mold was complete, i took some of those new headphones that they are using on delta now, and cut the adapter off the end. then, i carefully tied the two pieces of speaker wire to the mold. i heard fuzz. after many hours of research on the interweb, i found the exact frequency howard will be using for future broadcasts (which is sort of a special sonic test pattern at this time, but if you really close your eyes you can almost SMELL baba booey). i discovered that if i layed in my parents jaccuzi tub with my head tilted ever so slightly and my back and knees at 160 degrees (of course, you have to elevate the sac) i get crystal clear reception, even on the cloudiest day. the whole thing may vary according to your sac size and you'll have to find your own "howard spot" and angles and everything, but i really think you can use this. i too, will have some pics of the sirius install later. i am very proud of it, but you know what? it's not too damn cold, it's perfect out...i am headed out to take pics as we speak. i only wish i could use your new digital camera. ::sigh:: anyway, good luck and careful with the chicken wire! first of all, let me just tell you that my balls are bigger than your head. and i am a huge howard stern fan. so when i heard howard would be moving to sirius, i formulated a “sirius” plan to keep howard on my mind and in my ears at ALL times. my sac, when fully shaved, resembles a medium sized cantaloupe in color and texture (and really beautiful on an artistic level, but i digress). anyway, after several hours of examination, i noticed that the webby, veiny lines that cover the surface are very reminiscient of non uniform chicken wire…which could be used as a receptor for satellite radio frequencies. i don’t want kids, so no biggie right? but the problem would be focusing that energy to the sac itself. i said chicken wire didn’t i? aha! that’s right, i went out and bought a small swath of chicken wire and molded it around my sac, being careful to dull the cut edges for maximum comfort. i stood outside in the cool air for about an hour to really toughen the sac before the installation of chicken wire. this is very important because if the sac is warm, it just makes the mold really hard to form. so anyway, once the mold was complete, i took some of those new headphones that they are using on delta now, and cut the adapter off the end. then, i carefully tied the two pieces of speaker wire to the mold. i heard fuzz. after many hours of research on the interweb, i found the exact frequency howard will be using for future broadcasts (which is sort of a special sonic test pattern at this time, but if you really close your eyes you can almost SMELL baba booey). i discovered that if i layed in my parents jaccuzi tub with my head tilted ever so slightly and my back and knees at 160 degrees (of course, you have to elevate the sac) i get crystal clear reception, even on the cloudiest day. the whole thing may vary according to your sac size and you’ll have to find your own “howard spot” and angles and everything, but i really think you can use this. i too, will have some pics of the sirius install later. i am very proud of it, but you know what? it’s not too damn cold, it’s perfect out…i am headed out to take pics as we speak. i only wish i could use your new digital camera. ::sigh:: anyway, good luck and careful with the chicken wire!

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